As the title suggests, this book is all about reducing (and hopefully eliminating) rumination. Rumination is where someone keeps thinking the same negative thoughts over and over. This spills out onto relationships in the form of arguments, stonewalling, criticism, negativity, and other toxic traits. What the author suggests is a four step "SLOW" process. Stop and see what is going on with the rumination first. Label the thought patterns and emotions. Open up to the present moment, the here and now. Welcome vulnerability by moving thru the trigger. The author posits that rumination is actually a coping mechanism for anxiety. Instead of confronting the negative emotion or trigger head-on, it is far easier to ruminate and mentally obsess over it. For example, let's say your partner does not wash the dishes after dinner. Rumination could lead to thinking the partner is lazy, doesn't care, selfish, good for nothing, and so on. This will manifest as eye rolling, the silent treatment, complaints, and fights. However, with the SLOW process, you can stop and see you are ruminating. You can label the negative thoughts and triggers for what they are. Then you can open yourself up to the present moment, the ground beneath you, your breath, the dog in the corner, and the clothes on your back. Lastly, you can welcome the discomfort of living with unwashed dishes. From there one calms themselves down, understands what is happening, and is then in a much clearer head space to either "let it go" or more calmly communicate discomfort and boundaries. I highly recommend this book for anyone who wants to better master their inner thought life and emotional intelligence.
