"The Surrendered Wife" and "First, Kill All the Marriage Counselors" by Laura Doyle

 

These two books have truly been life-changing in how I think of relationships.  Whenever there is any sort of conflict, most people's first instinct is to "consult the professionals" and "get counseling".  However, as Doyle and countless women have realized far too late, counselors often make matters worse instead of better.  Counselors don't truly know the whole story of a relationship and they focus far too much on the past / negativity.  Two people complain about each other in front of a stranger in hopes that the other person will be convinced the error of their ways.  All this does is breed animosity and hasten the divorce process.  As someone who's been down that excruciating road before, Doyle changed her strategy.  She asked women who were happily married for decades what their secrets were and the answers shocked her.  She understood that the only person a woman can change is herself--not her husband.  Despite women's innate desire to control, that translates into disrespect and lack of intimacy with a man.  To have a successful marriage, women need to learn how to let things go, trust the man they agreed to marry, express their desires without expectation, graciously receive with gratitude, and stop all attempts to "help" or "teach" a man.  Now of course there are exceptions.  No woman should respect a man's decision to beat her or have an affair.  However, if a man's decisions or actions do not physically cause harm or break any laws, it's in the woman's best interest to simply "let it be".  This is easier said than done, which is why Doyle offers an online course and professional coaches that help women be more respectful.  I wish I learned these skills years ago but am glad I learned them in my early 30s.  Having joined the Doyle online coaching program, I witnessed women well into their 40s, 50s, 60s, and beyond all struggle with collapsing marriages because they did not know how to be respectful.  No matter where you are in life or whether you are single vs married, I recommend reading these books to ensure a successful marriage in the future.