"Stop Overthinking Your Relationship" by Alicia Munoz, LPC

As the title suggests, this book is all about reducing (and hopefully eliminating) rumination.  Rumination is where someone keeps thinking the same negative thoughts over and over.  This spills out onto relationships in the form of arguments, stonewalling, criticism, negativity, and other toxic traits.  What the author suggests is a four step "SLOW" process.  Stop and see what is going on with the rumination first.  Label the thought patterns and emotions.  Open up to the present moment, the here and now.  Welcome vulnerability by moving thru the trigger.  The author posits that rumination is actually a coping mechanism for anxiety.  Instead of confronting the negative emotion or trigger head-on, it is far easier to ruminate and mentally obsess over it.  For example, let's say your partner does not wash the dishes after dinner.  Rumination could lead to thinking the partner is lazy, doesn't care, selfish, good for nothing, and so on.  This will manifest as eye rolling, the silent treatment, complaints, and fights.  However, with the SLOW process, you can stop and see you are ruminating.  You can label the negative thoughts and triggers for what they are.  Then you can open yourself up to the present moment, the ground beneath you, your breath, the dog in the corner, and the clothes on your back.  Lastly, you can welcome the discomfort of living with unwashed dishes.  From there one calms themselves down, understands what is happening, and is then in a much clearer head space to either "let it go" or more calmly communicate discomfort and boundaries.  I highly recommend this book for anyone who wants to better master their inner thought life and emotional intelligence.

 

"Master Your Emotions" by Thibaut Meurisse

 

Everyone has emotions and gets emotional.  For those who find themselves slaves to their emotions, this book is a tremendous help.  The author helps readers understand what emotions are, how they form, and what actions one needs to take to ensure a positive rather than negative outcome.  Readers are instructed to ask themselves what event has taken place, how they interpret said event, how they attach to it, and how they can change it.  Emphasis is placed on events inside vs outside of one's control.  If someone truly cannot change something, it's fine to feel the negative emotions and let them pass, but it is fruitless to wallow in and identify with the negative emotions.  I really liked the analogies used on emotions.  Emotions are like clothes.  We can wear them, put them on, and put them off, but they are not us.  Emotions are like clouds.  They can pass by the sun, but they are not the sun.  The simple art of reframing is very powerful.  Instead of saying "I am sad", simply say "I feel sad".  Dig deep into why that is and proactively detach from it.  Then and only then can one truly master their emotions.

"The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Despite the title, this book is not full of recipes.  Rather, it includes commonsense tips and advice for making husbands happy.  Dr. Schlessinger does not mince words when it comes to telling women the truth.  She cuts thru the nonsense and double standards to reveal the hypocrisies of many wives.  Emphasis is placed on treating men fairly, respecting a man in his home, encouraging a man, appreciating a man, caring for men, and being mindful of one's words.  If a man yells at a woman it is verbal abuse, but if a woman yells at a man it is normal--this is a double standard of hypocrisy.  The author explains how women are not such a prize that men will put up with poor treatment forever.  When the straw breaks the camel's back, worn down husbands will simply leave, whether that be physically, mentally, or emotionally.  In order to have a happy marriage, women must treat their husbands with the same respect they would a stranger.  Familiarity unfortunately breeds contempt, which is a destroyer of marriage.  If more women could learn to "not sweat the small stuff", "let it go", "forgive and move on", and simply be grateful for all that their men do, there would be a lot less divorce.  I recommend this book for any woman aspiring to marriage.  Forget planning for the wedding - plan for the marriage instead.

 

"The Surrendered Wife" and "First, Kill All the Marriage Counselors" by Laura Doyle

 

These two books have truly been life-changing in how I think of relationships.  Whenever there is any sort of conflict, most people's first instinct is to "consult the professionals" and "get counseling".  However, as Doyle and countless women have realized far too late, counselors often make matters worse instead of better.  Counselors don't truly know the whole story of a relationship and they focus far too much on the past / negativity.  Two people complain about each other in front of a stranger in hopes that the other person will be convinced the error of their ways.  All this does is breed animosity and hasten the divorce process.  As someone who's been down that excruciating road before, Doyle changed her strategy.  She asked women who were happily married for decades what their secrets were and the answers shocked her.  She understood that the only person a woman can change is herself--not her husband.  Despite women's innate desire to control, that translates into disrespect and lack of intimacy with a man.  To have a successful marriage, women need to learn how to let things go, trust the man they agreed to marry, express their desires without expectation, graciously receive with gratitude, and stop all attempts to "help" or "teach" a man.  Now of course there are exceptions.  No woman should respect a man's decision to beat her or have an affair.  However, if a man's decisions or actions do not physically cause harm or break any laws, it's in the woman's best interest to simply "let it be".  This is easier said than done, which is why Doyle offers an online course and professional coaches that help women be more respectful.  I wish I learned these skills years ago but am glad I learned them in my early 30s.  Having joined the Doyle online coaching program, I witnessed women well into their 40s, 50s, 60s, and beyond all struggle with collapsing marriages because they did not know how to be respectful.  No matter where you are in life or whether you are single vs married, I recommend reading these books to ensure a successful marriage in the future.

"My Friend Anna" by Rachel Williams

As the cover states, this is "the true story of a fake heiress".  Rachel (the author) met Anna in New York City.  They quickly became friends and explored the city together.  Anna presented herself as a German heiress set to inherit tens of millions of dollars.  She played the part well with extravagant dinners, spa outings, beauty sessions, designer clothes, and more.  One day Anna suggested Rachel join her for a vacation in Morocco.  Anna normally covered the tab (Rachel did not make much money as a fashion assistant) and said the trip would be fully covered.  However, when Anna's credit card was declined in Morocco and hotel management wanted payment, Rachel paid with her own credit cards.  Anna told Rachel she would pay her back once back in America but the payment never materialized.  As it turns out, the vacation expenses put Rachel over $60,000 in debt (more than she made in a year); she resorted to family loans to cover rent.  Eventually Rachel discovered the truth about Anna, that she was not an heiress and didn't have a penny to her name.  Rachel helped police arrest Anna, who was later pronounced guilty in course for theft of services.  Over the course of a few months, Anna had stayed at extravagant hotels and even chartered a private jet all without actually paying the hotels or pilots.  This book is the sad but fascinating story of a woman who conned banks, businesses, and friends.

"Ikigai" by Hector Garcia and Francesc Miralles

What exactly is Ikigai and why do the Japanese who practice it live long happy lives?  This is the mission for which the authors set out to discover.  Readers come to understand that Ikigai is one's purpose in life.  While octogenarians in Japan may retire from their day jobs, they never truly retire from life.  They all have something to keep them going, an incentive to get out of bed every morning.  That could be caring for grandchildren, making art, doing crafts, playing music, and so on.  Nevertheless, the seniors who practice Ikigai keep busy.  They are healthy, they exercise, and--most importantly--they are constantly surrounded by friends in their community.

 

"The Little Book of Lykke" by Meik Wiking

Obsessed with learning what makes people happy, Wiking travels the world to find out.  He makes a lot of observations in Nordic countries and shares his findings in this book.  Apparently the secrets to happiness involve health, wealth, community, and family.  It's good to get out an exercise, as well as take time to unplug from digital devices (e.g.- social media).  Lightning candles at dinnertime and creating other traditions can infuse everyday occurrences with a sense of meaning.  Additionally, it is better to buy experiences than things, unless the things are tied to specific memories.  Wiking also compares nation to nation when it comes to taxes, vacation, paid leave, and so on.  Lastly, readers are encouraged to volunteer their time to help those less fortunate than themselves.  

 

"The Smartest Money Book You'll Ever Read" by Daniel R. Solin

 

Full of practical advice, this book aims to help readers get smart with their money.  Topics such as debt consolidation, renting vs owning, investing, financial advisors, and more are covered.  Stocks and bonds are compared, as well as high and low risk portfolios.  Readers learn the scam of mutual funds with below average performance and above average fees.  The science of compounding interest is explained.  Throughout the book, there are several "mint hints" that show readers how to use the mint website for financial planning.  Overall this book is very high level and focuses on the basics.  For more detailed advice on investing, Solin has other books.  This is more of an introduction to personal finance book for beginners.  

"Investing in Bonds" by David Scott

 This handy little book has all the basic fundamental of bond investing.  Readers will learn about coupons, yield to maturity, bid, ask, and much more.  They will understand the different maturities of bonds--short, intermediate, and long term.  Government and corporate bonds will be differentiated, along with foreign bonds.  While not as glamorous as stocks, bonds provide a steady and reliable stream of income when chosen correctly.  To help mitigate risk, readers will also make use of the bond rating scales provided in the book.  If you have money just sitting in the bank, put it to work with bonds!

"The Smartest Portfolio You'll Ever Own" by Daniel R Solin

 

This is an excellent finance book for anyone looking to invest.  The chapters are crisp and concise, getting right to the point.  Solin warns readers the dangers of mutual fund fees--that often underperform.  He encourages readers to invest in a diversified portfolio of index funds and ETF.  These offer the diversification of mutual funds but with a fraction of the fees.  Also, as Solin's research points to, these funds do better historically as compared to mutual funds.  This may be due to the lower fees.  Since index fund and ETF managers aren't making riches off of fees, they need to make riches off of funds.  This is a win win for investors.  The concept of asset allocation is also brought up.  The "smartest portfolio" has several options based on one's risk tolerance.  Solin recommends investors start out high risk when they are young and gradually transition to low risk as they near retirement.  This book is well researched yet full of common sense.  I look forward to testing out Solin's "smartest portfolio" for myself.  Something tells me I won't be disappointed.

"Warren Buffet and the Art of Stock Arbitrage" by Mary Buffett & David Clark

Warren Buffet is one of the investment giants in the finance world.  Known for his record-breaking returns in the stock market, there is no shortage of books claiming to unlock his secrets.  This book is unique in that one of the co-authors is the daughter-in-law of Buffet himself.  This gives her unique insight into the man most have only heard of.  Readers will learn about arbitrage, which is essentially buying a stock at a lower price than one expects to sell it in the future.  While most attempts to "time the market" often end in disaster, Buffet uses the financial news of mergers and acquisitions to decide which stocks to arbitrage.  If a company announces that it will acquire another and it is a done deal set to be executed in the near future, that gives Warren the confidence to go forward with the deal.  Interestingly enough, apparently Warren leveraged other people's money to get such high profits.  In other words, he'd borrow, say, 1.0 million dollars to buy company A's stock, which is later bought out by company B.  Company A's stock goes up and Buffet makes 1.2 million dollars and has to pay 0.1 million dollars to his creditor (for borrowing the initial 1.0 million dollars).  This yields Buffet a net profit of 0.1 million dollar--not too shabby!  While the average investor likely will not have the ability to leverage other people's money, readers can still learn how to stop arbitrage deals to make small profits for themselves.  Happy investing!

"The Elements of Investing" by Charles D. Ellis

Short and slightly informative, this is a basic investment resource.  It is not as insightful as others I have read but is nevertheless a starting point for those new to investing.  Personally, I felt it had too much "common sense" advice used to simply fill pages.  Things like living beneath one's means and avoiding credit card debt are great but need not be a focus of investment books (in my humble opinion).  Also, I am not sure if there are any conflicts of interest, but there seemed to be an excessive reliance on mutual fund recommendations.  As someone who learned what high fees and taxes accompany mutual funds, I question the motivation behind such guidance.  

"Rescue Your Money" by Ric Edelman

This is a phenomenal finance book.  The pages are few, the paper is compact, and the font is large.  This book gets right to the point without any "fluff".  I enjoyed this read so much that I ordered more of Edelman's books.  I learned about diversification via asset allocation.  Having a mix of stocks and bonds is not true diversification is the stocks and bonds are in single asset classes (e.g.- only corporate bonds and only large cap value stocks).  I also learned the pitfalls of mutual funds in terms of high fees and excessive taxes that fund managers pass on to ordinary people like me.  This is an excellent resource that I could not recommend more!

"The Small Investor" by Jim Gard

 

This is hands down one of the very best books on investing that I have ever read.  It's straightforward and to the point.  Technical details are balanced alongside easy-to-understand analogies.  As the acorn on the cover alludes to, there is a "small investor squirrel" that readers follow throughout the book.  Various illustrations show the squirrel in different investment scenarios.  This helps take what many would consider a boring topic and adds some delight to the scene.  I very much so enjoyed that aspect.  Just like how an acorn is infinitely precious to a squirrel, so is one's money to a person.  This book is a little outdated but the underlying principles stand the test of time.  In the twenty-first century, I am glad that I can do free trades online and do not need to go thru a broker--something unheard of decades ago.  Perhaps my biggest takeaway from this book is that I need to be more involved in research.  I should not just buy or sell a stock because "that's what the experts on TV are saying".  I also should not just "buy a stock and forget about it".  Successful investing requires diligence, consistency, hard work, and most of all homework.

"Being You" by Anil Seth

 

Written by a professor of cognitive and computational neuroscience, this book is very academic.  It goes into the theory of consciousness vs intelligence (spoiler alert, they're not the same).  Much detail is given to ideas about how and why we think the way we do.  The million dollar question the book aims to answer is what makes us feel we have a unique experience in the world--the sense of "being me" or "being you".  Various experiments and tests are cited, as well as new discoveries in the animal world.  Near the end of the book, there is even talk of humanoids and just how far machine learning has come in the twenty-first century.  I learned a lot from this book and it was not easy to read.  I'd much prefer a slimmed-down version more for laymen.

"Wife Dressing" by Anne Fogarty

 

Originally written in the 1950s, this book is full of fun advice from times gone by.  While the average woman's fashion has changed over the decades, some things have stayed the same.  The concept of dressing for one's shape, paying attention to detail, matching colors, and accessorizing have not gone out of style.  The biggest takeaway is to remain presentable at all times.  This includes while cooking, cleaning, running errands, taking care of children, or just enjoying a meal at home.  Too many women dress up to go out but look like slobs in the home.  Even if no one but one's husband sees a woman's outfit, that will likely enhance the marriage.

Cities of Refuge Series by Connilyn Cossette

        

"A Light on the Hill" by Connilyn Cossette

One of the most interesting yet least talked about parts of the Bible is the cities of refuge.  These were places were those accused of crimes punishable by death could flee and remain safe.  They would either get a trial proclaiming them free or be confined to the city gates.  Going outside the city when guilty meant a vigilante could legally kill them.  This is the case with Moriyah.  When she accidentally kills two young boys, she is forced to flee to a city of refuge.  Things get interesting when the man who wants her dead is chasing her, trying to prevent her from reaching the city of refuge.  Add in the fact that Moriyah's love interest is the brother of said vigilante.  As if that were not drama enough, add in Moriyah's troubled childhood where she is kidnapped and branded with the mark of a pagan harlot.  Yes, interesting indeed.  I won't give any more of the book away but will say it is quite the page-turner.  For romance, that is there but not graphic.  As for the vigilante chasing, there is action and suspense but nothing too scary.  I like how biblical fiction ties in aspects of the human condition that apply to modern day.  While readers may not be fleeing for their lives after the fall of Jericho, they may be able to relate to the concept of others judging them, running away from a bad situation, and dealing with worrisome in-laws.  I can't wait to read the next book in this series.

"Shelter of the Most High" by Connilyn Cossette

The second book in the cities of refuge series does not disappoint.  It follows two Italian cousins--Sofea and Prezi--as their island hometown is ransacked by marauding pirates.  Kidnapped and taken aboard a strange vessel, they manage to escape and end up in Israel.  Unfamiliar with the language and customs of the Hebrew people, the girls fear that this new land they are in is full of ruthless pagans.  Injured and starving, they are taken back to town by local Jews.  Scared and confused, the girls initially think they are slaves bound for human sacrifice (not uncommon in their own land).  They are pleasantly surprised to realize that the Hebrews believe in a God of kindness and mercy, one that sacrifices sheep instead of people.  As the girls slowly learn Hebrew, they make friends in town and even spark romantic interest.  The plot takes a twist when they finally discover that the Israelite city they are in is actually a city of refuge and that the people around them have been accused of accidental killing.  Will this newfound realization make the girls leave the city and abandon their newfound community, or will they stay?  Read the book to find out!

"Until the Mountains Fall" by Connilyn Cossette

The third book in the series follows Rivkah who is a young widow when her first husband dies.  Due to the levirate marriage laws at the time, she is betrothed to her late husband's brother in an effort to continue his family name.  Distraught and upset, Rivkah flees to a neighboring town.  She soon realizes that the people there are not as faithful as those in her hometown.  Used, abused, and confused, Rivkah ends up a slave while her betrothed searches for her.  This book is a tale of sorrow, loss, and redemption.  After five years, has Rivkah's betrothed given up search and married another?  Can Rivkah's family forgive her for what she's done and the pain she's caused them?  Aside from the interpersonal drama, there is the threat of foreign invasion looming as neighboring armies march forward.

"Like Flames in the Night" by Connilyn Cossette

The fourth book in the series follows Tirzah, the youngest spunky daughter of Moriyah.  With the very real threat of Aramean occupation, the Hebrews are not at peace.  A widow with no children, Tirzah decides she wants to help her people regain their homeland.  She goes undercover as a spy, first cooking for an enemy king and then laundering fabric for an enemy warrior.  Through her cunning, she is able to determine when the Arameans are going to strike and relay this information to her Hebrew brethren ahead of time.  A Moabite convert named Liyam enters the scene when he makes a deal wih Tirzah's father.  By marrying Tirzah under false pretenses to aid in her spy efforts and provide protection, Tirzah's father agrees to help Liyam track down the man who ran over his daughter (his first wife died in childbirth).  Themes of intrigue, love, jealousy, revenge, and more are at play in this book.  Readers will get a firsthand glimpse into what life was like the in the biblical "cities of refuge", especially during the time of Aramaean occupation.  They will also understand how manslayers end up in these "cities of refuge" and what those seeking their life go thru.  Can one forgive another for an accidental death?  How do these emotions impact one's closest relationships?  Read and find out!

Out from Egypt Series by Connilyn Cossette

"Counted With the Stars" by Connilyn Cossette

Every now and then I get a book that I keep turning the pages due to the suspenseful and gripping story.  However, very rarely do I get a book that has that and impacts me greatly on a personal level.  "Counted with the Stars" is a biblical fiction story.  It follows Kiya, a young Egyptian woman sold into slavery to pay her father's debt.  Her tale is told during the time of the Hebrew slaves leaving Egypt and the 10 plagues.  Kiya is forced to look inside of herself and question her beliefs as she leaves her idols to go after a faceless God.  Kiya's master is a cruel woman, and the readers learn why the woman is so bitter, giving them a perspective to think for themselves why others treat them so poorly.  Then there are the suitors.  Kiya is originally betrothed to one man, but that does not last.  There is a Hebrew she is attracted to, but he despises the Egyptian people.  Then there is an Amalakite who at first is dashing but later proves to be abusive and aggressive.  Readers will learn through Kiya about mistakes that come from rushing with men and not taking time to learn their character.  When the slaves--Hebrew, Egyptian, and whoever else wanted to join--leave, there are struggles and miracles in the wilderness.  Kiya witnesses danger and salvation as normal occurrences.  With regards to acceptance, Kiya faces the cold stares of Hebrews that despise her heritage.  She struggles with her past and whether or not she will ever be accepted as part of Israel.  All that drama aside, this book is beautifully written and feels so real.  Between emotions and dialog, there are vivid descriptions of life through a slave's eyes.  There is the touch of a donkey's ear, the rush of the Nile waters, the cool stone of a royal floor beneath calloused feet, and so much more.  I can not wait for the next book in this series.     

"Shadow of the Storm" by Connilyn Cossette

As the second book in the Out from Egypt trilogy, this story both builds upon the first book but also stands on its own.  Readers who have not read the first book will not be confused as to what is going on.  This tale focuses on Shira, a young woman who desires to become a midwife.  She battles with her past where men abused her, and she is confused when a man truly begins to love her.  Can she trust him?  Is he just like all the others?  To make matters worse, there is a desperate woman named Dvorah who does everything to make Shira's life a living hell.  And did I mention the Golden Calf incident is going on at this time?  Beyond the drama of a good story, this book really makes one think about the biblical narrative.  What really happened to all those converts to Judaism?  How did Moses handle the racial divide?  How did families react when loved ones were murdered for bowing to an idol?  All these questions and more are played out with characters. While nothing in this book is graphic, I would not recommend it for young readers.

"Wings of the Wind" by Connilyn Cossette

The third book in the Out from Egypt series focuses on Alanah, a Canaanite captive woman who is captured in battle.  Tobiah, Alanah's potential husband, rescues her and treats her according to the Torah law.  Alanah has to shave her head and mourn 30 days for her family while Tobiah does not touch her.  Afterwards, she can either decide to stay and marry him or leave.  The suspense of this decision is excellently written as to not give anything away.  There is much internal struggle as Alanah tries to integrate into Hebrew society.  Emotions flare as fellow Hebrews are less than happy about Tobiah's choice of potential wife.  To add even more drama to the story, Alanah gets kidnapped in the desert and eventually lands herself in Jericho where we meet the infamous Rahab.  Alanah is subjected firsthand to the brutality and depravity of Jericho and comes to understand why the city is doomed for destruction.  Biblical history is weaved thru characters' lives in an unexpected way that is sure to leave readers turning pages. 

"Why People Get Sick" by Darian Leader and David Corfield

This book is all about the mind-body connection and illness.  While some medical professionals argue that the root of illness is purely physical, the authors posit that many illnesses are actually onset from psychological problems.  The authors do not deny modern medicine, do not suggest that therapy can cure all illness, or claim that all diseases are mental.  Rather, they emphasize that the mind has an incredible power over the body that few doctors pay attention to.  After waiting in a room for an hour, patients are rushed into medical offices where they are lucky to get ten or fifteen minutes with a doctor.  Pressed for time, the doctor focuses on surface level symptoms and ailments; there is no time to get to know the patient and understand what underlying psychological factors may be influencing their current state.  Countless examples throughout the book illustrate how personal live events have impact on health.  From spouses dying within days of each other to people getting heart attacks when their parents got heart attacks to bodily changes after stressful events, the evidence is clear that the mind plays a role in the body.  Next time you aren't feeling well, ask yourself what has changed lately in your life, what is stressing you out, what your family history is, what may be triggering you, and what that particular day signifies to you.  The answers may surprise you.

"What Every Woman Should Know About Fertility and her Biological Clock" by Cara Birrittieri

This is a very in-depth book about fertility for women.  It explains how 20s are the best time to have children and that most women's biological clocks start to run out around 35.  This isn't to say women can't have natural children in their late 30s or early 40s.  It simply means that the odds are not in one's favor, especially if one's mother was unable to have children that late.  The author explains several types of Assisted Reproductive Technologies (ARTs), egg freezing, IVF, and so on.  She also encourages readers to get their fertility levels tested via something called an FSH test.  Apparently, the higher the level of FSH in the blood, the less fertile a woman is.  Whether we like it or not, the biological clock is real.  While science has advanced greatly, doctors can only do so much.  This book gives a lot of practical advice but is also a wakeup call to women to think twice before delaying having children for too long.