"To Be A Jewish Woman" by Lisa Aiken

This is one of the only books I am aware of that goes into such detail on the topic of women in Judaism.  While it focuses primarily on Orthodox Judaism, the author is transparent about how she wasn't raised as an "expert" but rather learned more on her own as she grew up.  This, coupled with the simple prose that makes even the most perplexing topics understandable, makes for a pleasant experience where the reader can learn while not feeling embarrassed for their lack of knowledge.  No controversial topic is skipped over as the author explains mixed seating, modest dress codes, divorce, and even the prayer men say thanking G-d for "not making me a woman".  Aiken aims to educate readers on women's unique role in Judaism, which is not less-than or subservient to men.  While women have different roles than men, they are equal in the sense that they are beloved by G-d and have a purpose in life.  Of particular interest that I learned was why women are not obligated to go to synagogue (although they are most certainly encouraged to do so), how exclusivity only begins at marriage, and how women are not obligated to marry (as opposed to men).  This was a refreshing read that I highly recommend.  Whether you want to be an Orthodox Jew or your own brand of Modern Orthodox Jew, you will certainly learn a lot about women in Judaism.  Enjoy!

"Secrets About Life Every Woman Should Know" by Barbara DeAngelis, PhD

 While this book is marketed towards women, the information in it applies to all people.  The author goes over ten "secrets" about life that are truly life changing.  While by no means new, they encompass truths that we could all use some reminding of.  These include ideas such as: love is the answer, courage overcomes fear, every relationship is a mirror to yourself, you can't control exterior circumstances but you can control your internal emotions, and so on.  Full of inspirational quotes, poems, and personal stories, the lessons get thru to readers in a myriad of ways.  This book was serious at times but overall very inspirational.

"Passion" by Barbara DeAngelis, PhD

This book is a guidebook for men and women to find their passion in life.  From friendship to career, many people are finding themselves unfulfilled.  Far too many people go thru life with no meaning.  They have superficial friendships and dread going to work.  The author focuses on how to discover one's passion in life and how to go after it.  According to the author, passion makes life worth living.  Without passion, we miss out on the best of life.  This book is very inspirational and a rather short read.

"How Did I Get Here?" by Barbara DeAngelis

 Full of thought-provoking stories and little tidbits of wisdom, this book is a must have for anyone who feels stuck in life.  DeAngelis explains how life will throw us all curveballs.  She discusses how failures and setbacks need to be viewed--as opportunities to make changes in life and go after better outcomes.  No one has a trouble-free life, and getting depressed does nothing for one's future successes.  The author encourages readers to see every closed door as an opportunity to knock on a new door.  Various quotes and poems are sprinkled throughout the book for emotional inspiration.

"Are You the One for Me?" by Barbara DeAngelis, PhD

 

This is one of the most in-depth and thorough relationship books I have ever read.  Written by a PhD, it goes into the psychology of why relationships work or don't work.  This isn't a fun beach gossip read or some celebrity's advice on dating.  Rather, this book delves deep into why people choose partners and what they need to really focus on.  DeAngelis differentiates between lust and love.  She also talks extensively about compatibility and friendship.  The book is full of various case studies in love--both from those who have mastered it and those who are struggling.  Topics such as age difference, cultural difference, religious difference, addictions, responsibility, and more are covered as DeAngelis encourages readers to focus on what really matters.  While chemistry is essential, it can not carry a relationship thru the test of time alone.  It needs to be coupled with true compatibility, a shared vision, and mutual commitment.

"Real Moments" by Barbara DeAngelis, PhD

 

This book is all about slowing down and experiencing life.  The author talks about true joy and how happiness must be found within--not without.  Accomplishing goals and accumulating wealth are great.  However, those can not be the source of true happiness because they can go away.  People can get laid off, lose their finances, get divorced, lose a spouse, and so on.  To be truly happy, one must experience more of what the author calls "real moments".  These are moments in time when people understand their love, worth, and purpose.  It can be found by paying attention to a partner, putting the electronics away, taking a walk, learning from strangers, and so much more.  A real moment is an epiphany when a life lesson is learned and true gratitude emerges.  The trouble is people are often so hurried and rushed that they do not stop and feel their feelings of living in the moment. 

"Super Attractor" by Gabrielle Bernstein

As someone who is fascinated by the topic of manifesting, I was very excited to read this book.  Having got it from the library, I had to wait a few weeks until it was my turn since several other people were in line ahead of me.  Once I finally got the book, I was a little disappointed.  This isn't because the advice in the book was bad.  While not everything I agreed with (consulting the dead, angels, and other "spirit guides"), I try to keep an open mind and try to learn something from others.  There were several good points about being grateful, staying positive, shifting one's thoughts from negative to positive, having faith, and so on.  My biggest qualm was that the book felt like an author was trying to meet a word count.  I learned very little from all the paragraphs beyond what I could have learned from the heading titles in each chapter.

 

"The Audacity to be Queen" by Gina DeVee

 

Written by a motivational speaker / life coach, this book is all about female empowerment.  DeVee encourages women to be all that they can be.  Like other self-help books aimed at women, topics include such things as: stop apologizing, live your truth, connect to spirituality, go after your dreams, marry a king, and so on.  There is also a large chunk of the book devoted to finances and manifesting one's business and financial goals.  As fun of a book as this was, this is where I think it went a little off the rails.  Speaking of her coaching dream, DeVee explains how she developed her career and manifested her riches.  While someone who gets gigs / clients in the thousands of dollars price range can easily understand this, those with more standard jobs can not.  Not everyone is cut out for coaching and not everyone wants that job.  For some people, their dream is to be a teacher, nurse, or author.  Very few professions outside of sales and pure entrepreneurship allow people to independently accumulate masses of wealth in short periods of time.  For an engineer like myself, I have no desire to start my own company--aerospace, coaching, or otherwise.  I enjoy my work and am simply doing my best work.  It will take years to climb my corporate ladder, and I'm okay with that.  Not every corporate job is dreary or miserable and needs an escape.

"The Feminine Revolution" by Amy Stanton and Catherine Connors

 

This is a fascinating little book all about femininity.  There are ~20 chapters, each covering an aspect of the feminine.  With stories, quotes, history, and more, each aspect of femininity is described and encouraged.  Women are encouraged to both be bossy and supportive.  They are encouraged to both be mysterious and charming.  They are encouraged to be both composed and emotional.  More than anything, women are encouraged to be themselves without apology.  There is nothing wrong with being female.  Many feminine traits that are associated with weakness actually have their own strengths.  And that's okay.  While the book is overall very inspiring, there are a few areas to warn the reader about.  A few times the book gets political and endorses Hillary Clinton.  There are also a few swear words in various quotes.  Beyond that, the book was very nice to read.

"A Woman's Influence" by Sheri Gaskins and Tony A Gaskins Jr

Written by relationship coach Mr. Gaskins and his wife, this book is all about relationships.  While the title speaks of a woman's influence, this book isn't a step-by-step guide for showing women how to influence men.  Rather, it is a compilation of advice from the Gaskins family.  Readers are told the games men play, the games women play, what really matters when it comes to love, and how to carry oneself.  While there's no need to rush into marriage, people also need to know when to put their foot down and leave when necessary.  If a man has friends, that's one thing.  If a man is sleeping around, that's another thing.  The same goes for women.  Someone with high self worth trusts themself enough to know that true love exists.  It is not helping anyone to stay in a toxic relationship with someone that sees no future with them.  While it's definitely easier said than done, men and women need to truly learn how to love themselves before diving into any relationship.  Additionally, people need to find someone they love mentally before becoming obsessed with physical love.  Lust fades but true love lasts a lifetime.

Technical Events

Technical Presentation: Falling from 10,000 ft

https://alumni.rpi.edu/s/1225/alumni/index.aspx?sid=1225&gid=1&pgid=8627&crid=0&calpgid=61&calcid=9622

https://engage.aiaa.org/HigherLogic/System/DownloadDocumentFile.ashx?DocumentFileKey=90f0d382-03af-b44d-d2ff-02fe8f093161&forceDialog=0

http://pnwaiaa.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/2018-TS-Program-Final.pdf

RPI Alumni Event: Future of Flight Tour

https://alumni.rpi.edu/s/1225/alumni/index.aspx?pgid=7251&gid=1&cid=9622

ASME Event: The Go Fly Prize

https://www.evensi.us/ww-asme-event-fly-prize-updates-april-9th-razzis-pizzeria-upstairs-banquet-room/299158392

"Confidence - Finding It and Living It" by Barbara De Angelis PhD

This small hardcover book is a little boost of just what every reader needs. Tiny enough to fit inside a purse of workout bag, this book uses concise language to convey the truths of confidence we all must hear. The author explains what confidence is, going into multiple types of confidence. There is the confidence that one can do a task, the confidence that one can navigate personal relationships, and the confidence that one has purpose on this planet. While all three are important, the author emphasizes that the highest form of confidence is that which is not conditional. In other words, if you place your confidence in being a good lawyer, spouse, etc, when you get laid off or heaven-forbid divorced, your confidence shatters. However, when you have the true confidence that you can conquer any trial and that the Universe is working good things out for you, then you have truly mastered confidence.

"Seven Blessings" by Ruchama King

This is a fascinating fiction book about matchmaking and shidduchim. The story centers in Israel, where several young adults in their 30s are looking for their "match". Readers follow the characters thru their daily lives. Questions of faith arise as each character must come to terms with what G-d is, who G-d is, if they even have a soulmate, and so on. There is the shame and embarrassment of being single in a sea of married folks. There are the questions of "why aren't you married yet?" as others in the story are married--some even with kids--at far younger ages. Not every character in the book is single. There are a few characters who have been married for years but who are desperately unhappy. This book really makes people think about love, marriage, and what the two really are about. There is an artist who is single because no woman is good enough for him. There is a day laborer who is single because women are taken aback by his medical seizures. There is a therapist who is single because she avoids any emotional attachment. There is a Torah scholar who is single because she can't find any time to date in between her religious studies. Not every character ends up marrying in the book, and I don't want to spoil the ending by saying what happens to whom. However, I will say that this is a thought-provoking book that will really make one think about how one ends up or does not end up married.

"Isaiah's Legacy" by Mesu Andrews

 

Part of the "Prophets and Kings" series, this book primarily follows the life of King Manasseh and his wife Shulle.  Manasseh is the son of King Hezekiah.  King Hezekiah was married to Queen Hephzivah.  Queen Hephzivah was Isaiah's adopted daughter.  If I'm going to be honest, I much preferred the prequel of "Isaiah's Daughter" to this next book "Isaiah's Legacy".  While there is the redemption at the very end for wicked King Manasseh, much of the 300+ pages are devoted to folly and sin.  Tricked at a young age, Shulle goes from a devout Jew to a pagan priestess.  Her sexuality is twisted and manipulated by others who wish to use her to control the king.  Shulle falls in love with King Manasseh but bears the sadness of his many wives--a common pagan custom.  Drama ensues when the king begins to sacrifice his own children in an attempt to "appease the gods".  Throughout the course of the book and the characters' lives, the misguided eventually come back to the one true God.  This book is very emotional and difficult to read.  Its saving grace is that it will hopefully remind readers that if someoene as wicked as Manasseh can be redeemed...so can they.

"Circle of Stones" by Judith Duerk

This book is a fascinating deep dive into the pool of femininity.  It builds on the "circle of stones" concept whereby women of ancient times would gather--typically once a month but sometimes more frequently--to share emotions, feelings, struggles, friendship, and so on.  The book has an interesting flow with a combination of poems, questions, and short stories.  It speaks greatly of the archetypal feminine that was adored years ago but which was recently been denigrated, suppressed, and overshadowed by the masculine.  While I don't agree with everything in the book--particularly ancient pagan practices, priestess rituals, etc--there are several parts of the book that I agree with.  I agree women need to slow down and sometimes just "be" without the hurrying demands of society.  I agree that it's okay for women to be sad, using their pain and fears as catalysts for transformative change.  Most important of all, I agree that women need other women to grow.

"The Wounded Woman: Healing the Father-Daughter Relationship" by Linda Schierse Leonard

Written by a philosopher, this book is full of insightful ideas that are very deep.  It is all about the wounds that women carry both from society and family.  Drawing on psychology, Leonard talks about how a poor or nonexistent relationship with one's father can wreak all sorts of emotional and psychological havoc in life.  There are many stories from ancient Greece, fairy tales, and so on that illustrate these challenges going back hundreds--and sometimes thousands--of years.  The author also references dreams, going into depth explaining their meaning.  Several case study clients are described as the author details their trauma, the result, their healing, and so on.  This book certainly has given me a lot to think about.  Several archetypes are detailed in the book, and readers will likely find parts of their life / personality in one if not more of said archetypes.  Some ladies are stuck in the little girl phase of wanting to please others and be rid of responsibilities.  Other ladies are stuck in the Amazon phase of doing everything themselves and emasculating men.  I could go on and on about this book.  It is very well written and dives deep into the emotional divide of masculine and feminine.  As a last note to readers, know that you can change and that what happened to you as a child was not your fault.  You can't change the past, but you can change the future starting now.

"Manifest Your Desires" by Esther and Jerry Hicks

Designed to be a year-long experience, this book has 365 motivational phrases.  They all focus on the "teachings of Abraham" that the authors are famous for.  The main intent is to guide readers towards better feeling thoughts so that they manifest their desires.  The "law of attraction" posits that whatever one thinks about is what will manifest in one's life experience.  Even if someone says they do not want something, they are still vibrating that something, which causes it to manifest.  So, instead of dwelling on what one doesn't want, one must dwell on what one does want.   It is not good enough to merely desire something.  One must truly believe that the desire is not only possible but that it is also on its way to them.  Anything less is just wishful thinking.  While some would call this sort of thinking that of a charlatan or delusional person, I do think there is some substance to it.  Firstly, there is self-sabotage whereby someone doesn't try an endeavor or start a goal because they simply do not believe it is possible (e.g.- the woman who doesn't go on a diet because she feels it is "impossible" to lose weight).  Then, there is the act of propelling oneself in the direction of one's desires because they keep thinking about what they believe is coming to them (e.g.- the man who believes he will be a lawyer goes on to study law and apply to law school).  Overall, this book is very positive and motivational.  I'm going to give it a shot and start seeing how I can manifest my desires.

 

"Dress Your Best Life" by Dawnn Karen

I've been waiting for this book to become available at the library and it finally did!  This book is all about the psychology of dressing and how fashion impacts one's emotions.  Besides the introduction--which I found incredibly sad--the book was rather fun.  It went into several psychological studies (backed up by references in the back of the book) about how what we wear impacts how we are perceived by others and ourselves.  It's fascinating what a difference in mood and success can come about from a simple change of attire!  What I really liked about this book were the case studies included from real clients.  Karen introduces her clients, analyzes their problems, and offers style solutions that anyone can understand.  From tops to bottoms to jewelry and accessories, this book covers it all.  As a disclaimer, though, I should point out that this book focuses on psychology rather than a one-stop-shop for fashion quick fixes.  Karen doesn't tell people what colors to wear or what latest trend to purchase.  Rather, she tells readers to identify their core values and wear what makes them feel happy.

The American Dream and Hard Work

 

Recently some friends of mine have brought up the notion of The American Dream.  They claimed it's no longer possible, especially for those born into poverty or who don't live in wealthy school districts.  I wholeheartedly disagree.

Growing up, my family was thriving middle class until my father passed (may he rest in peace).  A stay-at-home housewife, my mother was not prepared to go to work.  With few transferable skills outside the home, she struggled with minimum wage jobs--often working multiple just to get by.  I remember getting free and reduced price lunch at school and using coupons to get dinner at McDonalds.

Despite this, it was instilled in me that I needed to study hard, work hard, and earn good grades.  Thru blood, sweat, and tears, I managed to get straight A's in grammar and middle school.  When I was in high school, I went to the library and got a large book on the topic of job outlooks and salaries.  It was from this book that I realized my love of English wouldn't lift me out of poverty but that my love of math likely would.  

With my sights set on engineering, I researched the best engineering schools.  There was just one problem, though--my high school did not offer physics.  Engineering schools needed high school applicants to have passed physics.  Not knowing what to do but knowing I needed to "find a way", I met with teachers, guidance counselors, and even my principal.  It was decided that I would take physics night classes at the the local community college.  With no bus route connecting my home to the college, no car for me to drive (I didn't even have a licence yet), and my mother too busy out working jobs to transport me, I walked the 1.5 mile walk to and from class two days a week for months.  It was not easy but I did it.  

Once admitted to Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute (RPI), I researched scholarships and applied to as many as I could.  Upon discovering that RPI offered a large scholarship to one student from every high school it admits, I was excited.  Since no one from my high school had ever been accepted to RPI, there was no precedence.  Again, I met with teachers, guidance counselors, and even my principle to get the paperwork filed.  With no one else lined up for RPI, it was an easy pick for me to get the scholarship.  It was not handed to me; I had to take initiative.

At RPI, I was in for a rude awakening as chemistry came back to haunt me.  You see, while in high school, my chemistry teacher went out on maternity leave.  As well-meaning as the substitute teacher was, he did not teach all the chemistry fundamentals that should have been taught.  I remember feeling embarrassed and scared when other students in my college chemistry class were whizzing by me as I struggled to keep up.  Averaging a D near the end of the semester, I was worried.  Tutoring and office hours didn't help as even those went too fast for me.  So, I did the only thing I could think of and read the textbook.  I read that book so slow that it took what felt like an eternity.  Going at my own pace, I read that textbook cover to cover (600+ pages) 3 times.  On the day of the final, I got an A and my professor was beyond shocked and impressed.  Averaging my grades together, I passed chemistry with a B-.  If I had failed chemistry, I would have been ineligible for an engineering degree and my hopes crushed.

Every summer, while other kids were out working retail jobs or enjoying the sunshine, I applied to and attended summer research programs at universities around the country.  I knew my resume had to include such activities if I had any hopes of landing a technical internship closer to graduation.  It paid off.  After four grueling years of engineering rigor, I landed my first engineering internship.  Working hard from there, I landed my first full time engineering job.  As they say, the rest is history as I am living out my own version of "The American Dream".

It doesn't matter how poor you are or how bad your school is.  If you have eyes to read and legs to walk, you can make the impossible possible.  Take advantage of your local library and make your own path where one does not yet exist.

Are Homosexuals Really "Born This Way"?

 

With pride parades commonplace in many major cities, I started to think about the topic of homosexuality.  As rainbow flags and "love is love" signs hang in storefront windows, I question the notion of attraction, action, and spousal choice.  I also question why the need to showcase "pride" is so important to some people--as a heterosexual person, I have no desire to start straight parades.

Every day, there are men and women faced with the choice of who to pick as their spouse and which relationships to pursue.  It was in this pondering that I came to the conclusion that love truly is a choice that is impacted by various societal factors.  I'll explain.

Regardless of how much someone notices the attractiveness of another person, they are likely going to control themselves if certain criteria are met.  They will either take the action to stop dwelling on a person, avoid thinking of a person sexually, and certainly cease pursuit of a romantic relationship with a person if the person they find attractive is:

- a family member

- a minor under 18 years of age

- married or otherwise "taken"

- not interested / not reciprocating feelings

Or what of married folks?  Just because someone ties the knot doesn't mean they stop finding others attractive.  If they are serious about their vows, they choose to not act on extra-marital attractions.

This does not even take into account people who take religious vows of abstinence.  For the sake of their religious devotion and fervor, they swear off all future romance.  While some who take such vows are unsuccessful, there do exist people who successfully uphold their vows.  Control of romantic desires may be difficult, but it is possible.

On another note, many factors go into choosing one's life partner.  While attractiveness and chemistry is important, it is not the only deciding factor.  As attractive as someone may be, they may not be chosen as a life partner if they have financial struggles, an undesirable family, addictions, etc.  Then there is the topic of children.  As wonderful as someone may be, they may not be chosen as a life partner if they are unable to have children or do not want to have children.

Regardless of who you find attractive, I hope this has given you something to think about.  Who do you find attractive?  When you do restrain yourself from pursuing a romantic interest, what factors influence you?  What factors beyond attraction are important to you? 

The Chemical Side of the Transgender Coin

 

"Transgender individuals have a gender identity that differs from the sex they were assigned at birth" [1].  While I am not personally transgender, the closest experience I had was while out shopping.  There was an outfit on sale that looked phenomenal on the hangar.  After trying it on in the fitting room, I took one look in the mirror and gasped.  Despite the ensemble being a woman's outfit from the woman's department, it felt extremely masculine.  Perhaps it was the cut of the fabric or how it fit on my body shape.  Regardless, I felt like a woman in man's clothes and immediately changed back into the clothes I walked in with.  Putting the outfit back on the hanger, I walked out with a sigh of relief.  It was later that I realized how transgender individuals may feel.  I sympathized with their struggles.  While I could change clothes to feel like myself, those whose bodies do not match their minds / spirits are unable to change.  Despite cross-dressing, surgeries, and hormone therapies, some never feel at home in their bodies.

Years ago, I came across a work newsletter.  It was a place for employees to share family and life updates, as well as current events in the community.  While I can't seem to find a record of the newsletter (I wish I saved a copy!), I remember distinctively a transgender woman named Trinity who transitioned from man to woman via surgery.  In the article, Trinity briefly mentioned how a fertility drug from the 1940s-1970s that her mother took has been linked to several other cases of transgender persons.  Trinity questioned whether or not her life experience and struggles were due to drugs.   

Trininty brought up the drug Diethylstibesterol, which she and countless other transgender persons believe is the reason for them being transgender [2].  Some studies even suggest that the drug may impact sexual orientation [3].  I believe there is still much to be learned in science when it comes to human life.  The factors which influence gender identity at conception, in the womb, and beyond may never be fully understood.  This is why I believe more research is needed to identify the cause of transgender identity so that it can one day be eliminated.  It would be a wonderful day when everyone in the world feels at peace in their body--where no one has a disconnect between their body and their mind / spirit.  

For all those would-be parents out there, please be diligent about what you put into and onto your bodies.  If any food or medication has hormones, it may impact your future babies.  While studies are not out yet, I often wonder about the impact of hormone-based birth controls (e.g.- the "pill") on both mothers and children.  It is a well established fact that mothers who ingest alcohol while pregnant have a higher likelihood of their babies being born with birth defects [4].  What other consumable substances impact babies?  The world may never know.

References

1.  Meerwijk, Esther L et al. "Transgender Population Size in the United States: a Meta-Regression of Population-Based Probability Samples".  American Journal of Public Health.  01 Feb 2017. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5227946/

2. WTSP Staff. "Can a drug make you transgender?".  WTSP Health. 25 May 2016. https://www.wtsp.com/article/news/health/can-a-drug-make-you-transgender/215234337

3.  Troisi, Rebecca et al. "Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation Identity in Women and Men Prenatally Exposed to Diethylstilbestrol".  Archives of Sexual Behavior. 23 Jan 2020.   https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7031187/

4. "Fetal Alcohol Syndrome".  The Mayo Clinic.  10 Jan 2018. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/fetal-alcohol-syndrome/symptoms-causes/syc-20352901#:~:text=Fetal%20alcohol%20syndrome%20is%20a,alcohol%20syndrome%20are%20not%20reversible.

Why America was overdue for a health epidemic

 

Called the “invisible enemy” [1], COVID-19 has seemed to take many Americans by surprise.  The flu death rate hovers around 0.1%, and the COVID-19 death rate sits higher at 1-3.4% [2].  While this can appear both shocking and scary, one can not help but wonder why the media and government are not all up in arms over cardiovascular disease and cancer.  The Center for Disease Control (CDC) makes no attempt to hide the fact that 1 in 4 Americans die every year from heart disease--that’s a 25% death rate [3].  A close second behind heart disease is cancer, whose death rate the CDC places at ~18% [4].

So, statistically speaking, if COVID-19 is not America’s biggest killer, why is society turning upside down with stay-at-home orders, forced business shutdown, and social distancing?  The answer is that, while heart disease and cancer kill way more people, those deaths are spread out such that the health care system can handle them; they are not infectious disease that spread at exponential rates.  “The faster the [COVID-19] infection curve rises, the quicker the local health care system gets overloaded beyond its capacity to treat people...more and more new patients may be forced to go without beds, and more and more hospitals may run out of the basic supplies they need to respond to the outbreak” [5].  Translation: COVID-19 is putting too much stress on our health care system.  

Heart disease and cancer can be curtailed with healthy lifestyle choices as simple as diet, exercise, and not smoking [6].  But what about COVID-19?  Can that be avoided with good lifestyle decisions, or is everybody at the mercy of this beast?  According to the CDC, besides the elderly, those with heart disease, lung disease, and diabetes are at the highest risk of severity, hospitalization, and death from COVID-19 [7].  It should also come as no surprise that those who are obese are at higher risk for COVID-19 [8].  In fact, before the unique COVID-19 strain of corona virus really broke out, a paper was written linking weight to other corona virus deaths [9].  Being overweight is why obese-laden states like Louisiana are being hit harder with COVID-19 deaths when compared to other states [10].

Personal trainer Paul Robinson said it best: “Hand sanitizer, toilet paper and masks are not the answer. To protect yourself against this global killer, take the following steps: avoid smoking, manage your weight (avoid obesity), be more active, emphasize plants and whole grains in your diet, reduce meat.  The number one cause of death in America is the American diet. Instead of clearing store shelves of masks, we should be filling our carts with fruits and vegetables. Lifestyle-related deaths will far surpass anything the Coronavirus can dish out (half the population is obese), yet all we talk about is hand sanitizer and toilet paper” [11].

As a nation, we must take responsibility for our own actions.  This includes diet, exercise, and lifestyle choices.  To give an analogy, picture a married couple who hasn’t been on a date in years, constantly argues, doesn’t go to counseling.  When one spouse finally has an affair, it is so easy to blame “the other woman” or “the other man”.  However, had the marriage been strengthened over the years, this tragedy may have been avoided.  It’s the same with our nation’s health.  Had we been making healthy lifestyle choices for years, this COVID-19 wouldn’t have had the disastrous effect on society that it does now.  And for all the people who believe their health only effects them, take a look at the economic tragedy, massive job loss, and quarantine-induced depression.  How much of that could have been avoided if we were all healthier?  Just some food for thought.   

The CDC estimates that ~70% of Americans are overweight and ~40% are obese [12].  To determine if you are at a healthy weight, the CDC has a free Body Mass Index calculator www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/assessing/bmi/adult_bmi/english_bmi_calculator/bmi_calculator.html

References:

1. Kurtz, Howard.  “Trump ramps up after dire report, media also getting low marks”.  Fox News.  18 March 2020.  www.foxnews.com/media/trump-ramps-up-after-dire-report-media-also-getting-low-marks

2. Swenson, Dan.  “Coronavirus vs. the flu: A look at key statistics and why that comparison is a no-contest”.  Nola News.  29 March 2020. www.nola.com/news/coronavirus/article_e33c0cf0-7090-11ea-b3da-53f5ab31dd4b.html

3. “Heart Disease Facts”.  CDC.  5 April 2020.  www.cdc.gov/heartdisease/facts.htm

4. “Cancer”.  CDC.  5 April 2020.  www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/cancer.htm

5. Specktor, Brandon. “Coronavirus: What is 'flattening the curve,' and will it work?”.  Live Science.  16 March 2020.  www.livescience.com/coronavirus-flatten-the-curve.html

6. Willett, Walter C et al.  “Prevention of Chronic Disease by Means of Diet and Lifestyle Changes”.  NCBI. 1 Jan 2006.  www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK11795/

7. “Situation Summary”.  CDC.  26 March 2020.  www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/cases-updates/summary.html

8. Morrison, Oliver.  “Coronavirus and obesity”.  Food Navigator.  24 March 2020.  www.foodnavigator.com/Article/2020/03/24/Coronavirus-and-obesity-industry-urged-to-act-post-crisis

9. Moser, Joe-Ann S et al. “Underweight, overweight, and obesity as independent risk factors for hospitalization in adults and children from influenza and other respiratory viruses”.  NCBI. 4 Dec 2018.  www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6304312/

10. Brooks, Brad.  “Why is New Orleans' coronavirus death rate twice New York's? Obesity is a factor”. Reuters.  2 April 2020.  www.reuters.com/article/us-health-coronavirus-new-orleans/why-is-new-orleans-coronavirus-death-rate-seven-times-new-yorks-obesity-is-a-factor-idUSKBN21K1B0

11. Robinson, Paul.  “Fitness column: Unhealthy diet and lifestyle far surpass Coronavirus risk”. Edmonton Journal.  12 March 2020.  https://edmontonjournal.com/health/diet-fitness/fitness-column-unhealthy-diet-and-lifestyle-far-surpass-coronavirus-risk/

12. “Obesity and overweight”.  CDC.  1 Jan 2018.  www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/obesity-overweight.htm

Is your appearance helping or hurting you? - social engineering and modern modesty

This note is not about religious rules of dress.  Nor is it about blaming sexual harassment on women’s clothing choices [1].  Rather, this is about social engineering and challenging women to create the image that projects who they want to be.

It would be naive to think that appearance does not affect how one is perceived.  It may not seem right or fair, but it is how the world operates.  No matter my religion, if I walk around in a hijab, many people will assume I am Muslim.  No matter my occupation, if I walk around in a white coat with a stethoscope, many people will assume I am a doctor.  No matter my marital status, if I walk around with a big diamond on my left ring finger, many people will assume I am married.

How one looks can affect level of success in life, as well as assumed levels of intelligence, or lack thereof [2].  No matter how educated, experienced, or qualified I am for a job, if I show up to an interview in pajamas, I am likely not going to get the position.  No matter how many good qualities I may have for being a wife and mom, my chances of attracting a husband will go down drastically if I am overweight [3].  While it’s said that it’s what’s on the inside that counts, that oftentimes does not play out in real life.  Noting human psychology thousands of years ago, even the Bible says, “People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7).  

Then there are societal norms.  The degree to which one feels out of place will depend on environment.  Someone wearing a ballgown would feel very out of place at a swimming pool, just as someone wearing a Halloween costume would feel very out of place at a funeral.  The key is to stay within cultural norms while “dressing up” so to speak.  This looks different in different communities.  A successful businesswoman in Ireland, for example, would dress very differently compared to a successful businesswoman in Ghana.  The level of class and sophistication will be the same, but the particulars of the outfit will differ.  In the workplace, it is often said that one should dress for the position they want.  In life, I say dress for the person you want to be.

There is a reason why British royalty and even American first ladies dress a certain way.  You’d be hard pressed to find a recent photo of Meghan Markle or Michelle Obama in a mini skirt or with an extremely low cut top or in a skin-tight outfit.  They may have dressed differently in the past, but once they became royal / presidential, they changed their look.  Such women dress fashionably yet not seductively.  They look healthy, fit, and well put together. 

When it comes to modesty, conservative looks appear more professional, smart, and classy [2].  Note that if one is modest while not fashionable, that can also hurt their public perception.  There is a way to dress conservatively that looks stylish...and there is a way to dress conservatively that looks like a brainwashed religious fanatic (I’ll let you conjure up your own mental images there!).  How you dress is up to you.  Who do you want to be and how do you want to steer public opinion of you in your favor while still staying true to your values?  

There are two exercises to illustrate the main point.  The first one is to list 5 qualities that you aspire to and then sketch some drawings of what you think people who embody those qualities look like in real life.  The second one is to wear 5 different outfit styles out in public and journal how you are treated differently in each.  While this note was written towards women, the main ideas apply to men, as well.  What type of man do you want to be perceived as?  Do people treat you differently when you wear a suit vs basketball shorts [4]?  Feel free to do the exercises, as well, and share your thoughts.

References

1. Ritschel, Chelsea. “Rape Victims’ Clothing Displayed to Prove Clothing Choice Doesn’t Cause Rape”.  Independent (10 Jan 2018).   https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/rape-victims-clothes-displayed-brussels-belgium-debunk-victim-blaming-myth-a8152481.html  

2. Johnson, Kim.  “Dress, body and self: research in the social psychology of dress”.  Fashion and Textiles (22 Nov 2014).  https://link.springer.com/article/10.1186/s40691-014-0020-7 

3. Fottrell, Quentin. “Rich women like rich men, and rich men like slender women”.  Market Watch (23 May 2016).  https://www.marketwatch.com/story/rich-women-like-rich-men-and-rich-men-like-slender-women-2015-09-28 

4. Fletcher, Ben C.  “What Your Clothes Might Be Saying About You”. Psychology Today (20 Apr 2013).   https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/do-something-different/201304/what-your-clothes-might-be-saying-about-you 

My De-Cluttering Journey

 

The bag you see in the photo is a work of art that gets me many compliments.  However, it had been sitting forgotten in my closet for 3 years due to clutter.  Why was that?  Let me start at the beginning...  

Growing up, my family would often walk around shops on the weekend.  It was something to do and provided exercise when the New York City weather wasn’t conducive to outdoor outings.  When I grew up and moved out on my own, I naturally started walking around shops.  This time, though, I had a salary and could actually buy things.  Which I did.  A lot.  Items would pile up, but I didn’t think much of it.  My wake up call came when I moved from Seattle to San Diego.  While the movers packed everything up for me, I had to unpack and put away everything on my own.  It was then I realized how many unnecessary items I was holding onto, as well as how many hidden gems I had forgotten about.  

Wanting to improve my situation but not sure where to start, I read some books.  I read  Anuschka Rees’ book [4] on cleaning out one’s closet.  Her premise is to make one’s lifestyle align with one’s wardrobe.  From doing the exercises in her book, I realized my closet was not full of well-put-together work and social outfits.  Rather, it was full of mismatched items that were mostly “on sale” impulse buys.  I also realized that having too many clothes prevented me from really knowing what I had.  For instance, 5 days after buying a black work skirt because I felt it was missing from my professional wardrobe, I found a black work skirt buried in my closet that I forgot I had.  Thank God it still fit!

Then I read Jennifer L Scott’s books [1,2,3] on cultivating class as a woman.  After studying abroad in France, she wrote three books on the French lifestyle.  Scott’s books really made me think about how I carry myself both inside and outside my home.  How much is clutter taking over my apartment?  How easy is it for me to find an item I am looking for?  Do I reach for familiar sweats when I really could be wearing a stunning dress?  Scott’s philosophy is to live every day like it’s a special occasion.  Part of this involves purging one’s home of junk and ill-fitting / unflattering clothes.  When all you have are nice things, you are forced to use them.

After much growth and personal discovery, my de-cluttering process started.  It was slow and time-consuming, and honestly still in progress.  What I did was organize everything I had and make some difficult decisions about what I really wanted in my life.  For the lower-cost items, I made trips to the Goodwill Donation Center.  For the higher-cost items, I sold them online or gave them away thru Buy Nothing [5].  Buy Nothing is an online forum where people can post photos of items they wish to donate.  Then, members of the local community can comment on what they want to arrange pickup.

Now I strive to only wear my best clothes, eat on my finest dishes, and know where everything in my apartment is.  I shop much less, and when I do buy something, I make sure it is an item I actually need instead of just an impulse “clearance buy”.  Rather than blowing my paycheck at the mall, I save up for vacations and experiences, which studies show bring more happiness anyway [6].  Whenever I move next, I will not be overwhelmed with unpacking boxes and boxes of unnecessary items.  How about you?  Where are you on your de-cluttering journey?  Do you wear and use your best items or save them for a “special occasion”?  What hidden gems have you found buried in your home?

References

1. “Lessons from Madame Chic” by Jennifer L Scott

2. “At Home with Madame Chic” by Jennifer L Scott

3. “Polish Your Poise with Madame Chic” by Jennifer L Scott

4. “The Curated Closet” by Anuschka Rees

5. “The Buy Nothing Project”, https://buynothingproject.org/

6. Rampton, John.  “7 Reasons Why Spending Money on Experiences Makes Us Happier Than Buying Stuff”.  The Entrepreneur.  15 May 2017. www.entrepreneur.com/article/294163

"The Grown-Up Girl's Guide to Style" by Christine Schwab

This book is a fun style guide for mature women.  It really is aimed at women who are above 40.  I wished this was conveyed on the cover.  As someone pushing 30, I consider myself a grown up girl in the sense that my style is more sophisticated than it was as a teen.  That being said, however, I do not consider myself in the same style category as someone 40+.  While I learned some classic fashion tips, I did not like how the book promoted plastic surgery.  I believe in aging gracefully.  While we won't look the same at 60 as we did at 20, I do not think that justifies needles or going under the knife.  The biggest takeaway I took from this book is that one should always stay current while not chasing the latest fad.  Your hairstyle from 10 years ago may need a revamping, but that does not mean you need to jump on the bandwagon of women shaving half their heads.  Stay true to yourself but also get with the times.  Also, as you age, cover up more.  While I don't think showing excess skin is classy at any age, it certainly seems to be less socially appropriate the older a woman gets.

"The Color of Style" by David Zyla

This is a fun book all about getting to your true colors.  It focuses on nature, encouraging readers to match their wardrobe colors to the colors of their eyes, skin, and hair.  While I really enjoyed this book, I wish it had pictures.  As much as I read about color, it'd be nice to see color!  Also, by just going off of my natural coloring, I have no purple or green.  Both of these are colors I really like to wear.  Nevertheless, I did learn that I could use more blue clothes.  I have blue eyes but a mostly pink wardrobe.  Speaking of eyes, I have a ring of yellow around my pupil.  According to the book, this would be my base color or my own personal version of black for formal events.  As much as I love yellow, I am not so sure it would look formal for a suit or work event.  This book has made me more curious about color and style, though, and I plan on reading more books on the subject.

"How to Win Friends & Influence People" by Dale Carnegie

This book is a tried and true classic on the basic essentials of human relationships.  Whether you are looking to win friends, a spouse, sales clients, a job interview, you name it, this book will help you.  Using the principles of psychology that were as true thousands of years ago as they are today, Carnegie explains the way to succeed.  The methods highlighted in this book are by no means extraordinary or mind altering.  I'd venture to say they all make sense and that most people know them on a subconscious level.  However, we all need a good reminder from time to time.  Just like everyone knows the benefit of exercise, not everyone remembers to do it on a daily basis.  Some ways to win friends and influence people are to let them do the most of the talking, provide genuine appreciation, remember and use people's names, ask questions to get people talking about themselves, and more.  A fascinating point was about arguing.  Even if you are right and someone is wrong, very few people admit to being wrong.  If anything, being corrected just makes them resent the corrector.  That being said, it is good to avoid arguments and word things in such a way that your opponent feels he or she is winning and gaining an advantage.  I could go on and on, but you should just read this book for yourself!  I got the audio book CD and listened to it while driving, so that's a good option, too.

"The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up" and "Spark Joy" by Marie Kondo

Both of these books are all about the process of tidying.  From clothes to kitchenware to photos to cards to letters and more, these books explain it all.  The basic premise is that people should keep only those items which spark joy.  If you have old clothes that don't fit or are unflattering, they need not be kept.  If you have piles and piles of papers, go thru and only keep what you need or desire.  If your bathroom is a mess, go thru and slim down the items to just the nicest of the nice that make you feel special.  I have tidied up my own apartment and am still in the process.  While I'm not done yet, I can say I've seen a dramatic improvement in my life.  I am happier when surrounded by the things I love--instead of having those things buried under piles of junk. 

"Fierce, Free, and Full of Fire" by Jen Hatmaker

This is a quintessential ladies self-help book.  Divided into several sub parts, this book focuses on identifying one's personality, needs, wants, social desires, and more.  Who are you?  What makes you happy?  What are you passionate about?  What would you like to change?  Where do you need help?  What friendships do you need to gain?  What friendships do you need to let go of?  Written from a Christian perspective, there are some religious undertones.  However, this book does lean liberal in many of its stances.  Overall, this book was a fun read and kept me entertained.  It reminded me that I need to constantly check in with myself to see what's working, what's not working, and where I need help / change.  You are unique and special.  Get to the core of who you are and live that to the fullest.  When it comes to your life, stop apologizing and stop asking for permission. 

"Journey of the Pearl" by A.E. Smith

This is a fascinating historical fiction book set during the Bible times shortly after the crucifixion of Jesus.  It centers around the centurion who crucified Jesus and tells his story.  Readers meet the Roman centurion and travel with him through his various trials, tribulations, struggles, and dangers.  There are backstabbing centurions, conniving slave owners, cruel masters, and more.  Famous characters like King Herod and Saint Peter also come into the scene.  This was a very fast paced story full of many twists and turns.  Since this book is of the Christian genre, there is emphasis on Jesus but not so much that it detracts from the rest of the story.  Regardless of your religious beliefs, this is a great adventure of a book that will keep you turning the pages.  My only complaint is that so many of the character names were exotic and unfamiliar to me, which made it difficult to keep up and follow along with who was who.  

"The Old Testament Case for Nonviolence" by Matthew Curtis Fleischer

This book exceeded my expectations in many ways.  It really made me think and challenged my worldview in the sense of how I interpret the Bible and think of God.  I didn't necessarily agree with everything the author wrote, but that's okay.  It gave me a lot to chew on, and I am grateful for that.  My favorite chapter was chapter 1.  It went into how the culture of the ancient near east (ANE) influenced the early Old Testament writers.  While some stories in the Old Testament may seem barbaric by our modern sensibilities, in light of other ANE customs, they were actually very progressive and merciful (by comparison, at least).  Fleischer poses the argument that much of the "violence" in the Old Testament is not necessarily what God wants or even representative of God's true nature.  Rather, God was using baby steps--or as Fleischer labels incremental ethical revelation--to educate ancient man.  Just like how a first-world missionary in a third-world tribe wouldn't start pointing out everything wrong but would instead tolerate some things for a bit until the natives are mature enough for more change...God did the same with ancient man.  The rest of the book is really good theologically, too, but I have to say the first chapter really hit me the most.  Since this book is written by a Christian, there are many New Testament references included alongside the Old Testament ideas.

"Beyond Your Wardrobe" by Bethel Grove

This book is brand new, and I read the uncorrected version.  The whole concept is that women need to be modest.  Written from a Christian perspective, the author explains how God created women, cares for women, and loves women.  As sacred and special, ladies need to honor their bodies like the treasures they are.  There are several Bible passages quoted, as well as personal anecdotes from the author.  In terms of fashion, there are several tips and advice on particular pieces of clothing.  The book discusses tank tops, leggings, dresses, skirts, pants, Halloween costumes, prom dresses, swimsuits, undergarments, and more.  The notion of fit is also detailed as someone can be completely covered but wearing clothing that is too tight.  The point is not to have a bunch of rules but rather to come from a place of humility and honor.  Girls don't need to just follow a set of rules.  Rather, the end goal is having a heart after God.  I enjoyed this book and it gave me some fashion ideas to think over.

"Unbusy" by Andy Dragt

This book is all about how to get more accomplished in life.  Instead of being overwhelmed by feelings of busyness and "running out of time", the tools and strategies in this book help readers get done what they actually want to get done.  What sets this self-help book apart from others is that it relies on the physics of flow in nature to explain what naturally "unbusy" life looks like.  Readers are encouraged to think of their purpose and meaning in life by creating a mission statement.  From there, they derive their values and priorities which drive their daily / weekly / monthly activities.  The goal isn't just to do more in less time or to throw off all responsibilities in the name of "rest and relaxation".  Rather, the goal is to have a balance where readers do more of what they want, when they want, with a purpose, and with meaning.  There is also an emphasis on recording one's life patterns and discovering what tasks one does each day that do not align with one's higher purpose (e.g.- time wasters!).  Overall, this book was very inspirational and gave me some good food for thought in terms of how I spend my own time.

"The Power of Style" by Bobbie Thomas

This is such a fun book!  Centered all around style, Thomas aims to show readers just how beautiful they are and how beautiful they can become.  The book is divided into two parts.  The first focuses on inner beauty (cue the applause!) while the second focuses on outer beauty.  I love this concept because even the most "good looking" people can feel ugly.  To be truly beautiful, one needs to feel good on the inside before the outside ha any effect.  Thomas walks readers thru various exercises in personality, strengths, and so on.  Then readers dive into color analysis, body shape analysis, and shopping tips.  I learned so much from this book that I am going to go thru my closet right now!

"At Home with Madame Chic" by Jennifer L. Scott

This is the third book of Scott's that I have read and I have enjoyed it just as much as I've enjoyed her other books.  Focusing on the French chic lifestyle, this book teaches women how to cultivate inner peace in their home lives.  From removing physical clutter to removing mental clutter to providing music playlists and recipes, this book has it all.  There are major sections devoted to morning, afternoon, and evening.  The steps and advice are meant to make one's home more pleasant, enrich one's relationships with family, and RELAX.  Women, especially homemakers, are often run aground exhausted from tending house and kids....all the while looking like a hot frumpy mess.  However, it doesn't have to be that way.  Whether single or married, kids or no kids, women of all walks of life can learn how to cultivate serenity, mystique, style, peace, and--most of off--the essence of chic...and look good doing it!

"The Total Money Makeover" by Dave Ramsey

This is a time-proven process book on how to get financially fit.  Dave Ramsey is both a TV / radio finance personality as well as someone college educated in economics.  Ramsey explains how so many Americans are drowning in debt.  People buy things they don't need with money they don't have to impress people they don't even like.  Factor in compounding interest and people ending up paying far more than they initially swiped their credit card for.  Speaking of credit cards, Ramsey encourages readers to cut up their credit cards, budget their income, and only spend cash money on what they can actually afford.  After setting up an emergency fund, readers are encouraged to tackle their debts from smallest to largest.  This may involve a downgrade in lifestyle or even selling off a new leased car to purchase an older more affordable vehicle.  What I liked was the stories throughout the book.  People from all walks of life share their money struggles and how they turned their financial lives around using Dave's tips.  Most of the people in the book make less than $50,000 a year yet manage to eliminate debt and save for retirement.  If they can do it, so can you!

"Polish Your Poise with Madame Chic" by Jennifer L. Scott

What a lovely book on poise.  Focused on dignity, style, and class, this book is a must for lady readers.  Scott goes over how to dress oneself, do hair, do makeup, how to talk, how to walk, and so much more.  There is a great emphasis on posture and using proper language.  No slouching and swearing for Madame Chic!  More than physical appearances, being chic is about lifestyle and self-confidence.  Scott encourages readers to treat everyone they encounter with respect and not stoop to anger outbursts, gossip sessions, or entertainment that is improper / not enriching.  Scott learned about how to be chic while traveling in Paris.  While I don't live in France and have never visited, I do feel more Parisian after reading this book.  Look out world, chic Teresa is here to stay with poise!  :-) 

"Lessons from Madame Chic" by Jennifer L. Scott

What a fun and lovely book this is!  Jennifer writes in a style that is half-memoir, half-advice.  Sent to Paris in college for a study abroad program, Jennifer is thrust headfirst into the French culture.  Through her host family--whom she charmingly calls Family Chic--she learns so much about how to live a better life.  There are lessons on fashion, the capsule wardrobe, removing clutter, reducing consumerism, and more.  There is a great emphasis on using the best one has in the moment.  Don't save those fancy dinner plates or luxury dress for "someday" that may never come.  Use and wear your best items now!  Part of that involves getting rid of (or donating) anything that is less than top quality.  That reduces the temptation to use second-rate items.  Enjoy your food, exercise, walk with your head held high, and learn the art of mystique.  There are so many wonderful lessons in this book, and it was super fun to read.