Love Languages

“The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman

• From this book, I learned that there are 5 main love languages: Touch, Words, Gifts, Actions, Time
• Everyone gives and receives love differently. Any language can be cast in a negative light. Touch – pervert, words – insecure, gifts – gold digger, actions – entitled, time – clingy. If you deny yourself your love language out of fear of being “bad”, you will just end up unhappy.
• There are ways to make someone feel special using their love language while not giving too much away in the beginning.  Below is a table I made. 

	Initial Dating	Advanced Dating	Courting	Marriage
Touch	Handshake Fist pump	Holding hands Kiss on hand	Hug Kiss on cheek	Kiss on mouth Intimacy
Words	Small compliments	Larger Compliments	I love you	Will you marry me?
Gifts	Single Flower Paying for snack	A few flowers Paying for meal	A small bouquet  Promise ring	A normal bouquet  Engagement ring
Actions	Opening door	Calling on phone / Driving	Helping tasks that require assistance	Home repairs
Time	Partial day dates	Full day dates	Vacations together	Living together

• Some people have just one love language, some have all of them.  Some people give love in one language and receive love in another language.  When giving or receiving in a love language, I think it is best not to make any assumptions.  It is always better to be appear grateful instead of presumptuous. 
• For example, if a woman's love language is gifts, they shouldn't assume that the man will pay.  Where a check comes to the table, they should reach for their wallet and offer to pay.  Where there is a walk-up line in fast food, they should stay a few feet away from the man and wait to see if he offers to pay; otherwise, they are ready to buy their own food.
• For example, if a woman's love language is actions, they should not stand in front of a door and say AHEM forcing the man to hold it open.  Rather, they should just walk regularly and see if the man holds it open.  Also, instead of asking to be picked up in a vehicle, they should simply wait to see if a ride is offered.
• For example, if a man's love language is touch, they shouldn't assume that they can touch the woman wherever.  They should ask before, say, getting a hug. 
• For example, if a man's love language is time, they should not assume they can spend the whole day with the woman whenever they want.  Instead, they should get on the woman's schedule and let them know what time the outing starts and ends.
• For example, if neither the man nor the woman has the love language of words, both parties should still aim to be positive.  Do not use angry / bitter / complaining words or talk repeatedly about exes.

It is best to find someone who naturally speaks your same love language(s). Someone trying to speak your love language when it is not natural for them may lead to resentment on their part.