Relationship Tips

Healthy Thinking

• Know that not everyone your age is in a relationship
• If you find yourself constantly around couples, change up your social circles. Find more single friends who will not make you feel singled out (no pun intended).
• Know that not every relationship is good
• Smiles in person or in pictures does not mean there are no issues at home. I’ve personally known troubled couples who fake happiness to save face.

Healthy Seeking

• Do what you love and meet people with similar interests
• Play sports you like, go to museums you like, and do hobbies that interest you. If you meet someone there, you will already have something in common.
• Go to places where your ideal mate may go
• If you don’t want an alcoholic, don’t go to bars. If you want someone kind, volunteer. If you want someone spiritual, consider going to a religious gathering.

Healthy Interacting­

• Focus on being friends with as many people as possible
• The foundation of any successful relationship is friendship. Also, some people who are not the right one for you may set you up or introduce you to more single friends. Another reason to focus on friendship is that some people may already be taken. 
• Never assume anyone is romantically interested
• When we start fantasizing about futures with people, this can impact how we interact with them. It can even lead to disappointment if some person never pursues you. Keep it cool to avoid any awkwardness or anxiety.

Healthy Confidence 

• Be someone that others want to be around
• Be attractive physically by tending to your appearance. Be attractive mentally by thinking of meaningful conversation ahead of time. Be true to who you are.
• Be open to the pursuit of others
• If someone wants to talk to you, that is okay. If someone wants to ask you out, that’s okay. Be open to possibilities. Also know when to say no if you are not interested.

Healthy Living

• Don’t feel bad for wanting to find someone
• Many people are looking for their special someone. It is not embarrassing to want to find someone or take steps to improve your odds. 
• Don’t feel like you need to stay with someone
• If you are not happy with someone, you do not have to stay with them. You are not obligated to spend time with someone if you do not want to. We can make ourselves love all people, but we cannot make ourselves be in love with all people.

Healthy Breakups

• Be honest with the person 
• You are only responsible for your actions—not the actions of others. Communicate how you are going to see other people and are not ready for commitment.
• Maintain your reputation
• If you had stuff on social media, take it down. If your friends ask about your former significant other, say you are just friends now and then quickly change the subject.

Healthy Dating

• Set your expectations early on
• Let the other person know your intentions and ask theirs. Also discuss physical boundaries.
• Don’t commit until you’ve asked the hard questions
• Never assume anything about anyone. Ask about religion, finances, career, education, kids, sexual history, addictions, guns, drugs, and more.

Healthy Courting and Marriage

• Fix things before you tie the knot
• If you want something, make your demands before you are committed for life. Feel free to tell someone, “I will not marry you until you XYZ.” It is your life and your choice. 
• Get pre-marital counseling
• While you should have asked the tough questions earlier, counseling may bring up topics you forgot. Get squared away on every issue before you tie the knot.

Healthy Reality

• Know that no two people are alike
• Just because some people treated your poorly or did not meet your expectations does not mean you are doomed forever. There are more fish in the sea.
• Know that you are enough
• Relationships take time. Some people will never find their forever partner. Be happy with who you are so that relationship or not, you are complete.

Healthy Discernment

• Note red flags when you see them
• Some red flags are sexually suggestive dialog, talking about exes, being cheap with you while spending extravagantly on themselves, lies, and addictions.
• Know that not every good action is sincere
• Saying sorry and making up does not mean someone is sincere. Some domestic abusers mistreat women and then buy gifts to make up for it.

Healthy Modesty

• There’s no sin in being beautiful
• Aim for pretty, not sexy. Wear nice dresses and skirts that flatter you.
• Be approachable but not flirtatious
• Very few people will talk to you if you wear a sack and keep your eyes on the ground.